Really?
Confession of an erratic writer: how to handle yourself discovering you are violating Margaret Atwood’s golden rule on writing process.
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I admit I am an erratic writer because I’m scared.
Being scared of recognising who I am and giving myself a chance is a betrayal of the golden rule of one of my favourite writers: Margaret Atwood.
In her words: “you become a writer, by writing”.
More than self-sabotaging me, I am an artist at diverging from focus, the more I am approaching to what my ONE thing is.
My faithful counterpart is that I am a multitasker. So I can do this and I can do that. Even, learning how.
I can diverge myself from writing: in an unconsciously conscious way.
I undergone huge period of writing black holes, as my mind is nurturing my feelings before ejecting them into black ink drops. I’m pretending to be what I’m not.
I need to be a freelance writer because I like earning “soon” with my writing (I hope so).
But there is one little strange thing I notice: the repetition of such a kind of pattern. I mean: I write persistently for a time. Then I interrupt, then I struggle to understand why, the I start again writing or better I ‘am facing what I cannot miss ever: a white page.
This kind of tiring and cumbersome circle is going to kill me. But still it belongs to me. Because there’s a Persephone inside me. Following her proper circles to rise and fall.
I know I am not prolific at writing, because I’m an introvert and I am supposed to need time to come out. To show up.
I’m a selective writer and a seize-the-day-writer, all at once.
If writing (whatever the adjective you will put before) means knowing yourself, If writing is experiencing how deep are your personal darkness puddles, here I am.
What to do meanwhile? Keep going word by word. Keep trusting on your uniqueness. Oh, yes, I will be not the new Margaret, won’t I?
I will be just me.
I take a breath and find out my personal pattern, being good, in the midst, even at my personal freelancing writing.
(And one day I think I will choose… or not)
“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” J. Campbell
