again

free verse

paper flowers blossoming in the water. I took the picture

I did not write along this time, without adjectives,
because I did not believe I was able to do it.
I did not write because I lost my faith.
I did not write because: “who cares my words?”.

I stayed inactive,
facing a difficulty.

I just waited
the zest to come back
the Persephone’s cycle to end.

I locked myself into a deafening silence,
waiting.

And yet, every morning I strolled,
something was missing,
I was able to name it,
but I did not want:
why?
I have to undress me,
make me visible through words: invisibility fits me more.

But the real issue is :
I do not believe it.
I lose the faith, cyclically
(is this my signature style? Does an in fits and starts artist exist?)
and I pull back like a turtle in its shell,
like a whale on an isolated beach,
as the sea is unwelcoming.

And I wait
to take courage
by myself
and to return
again to shine or just to say: “here I am. I did it”.

I believed it was true, again, trying to forget the burden of lost time,
trying not to consider waisted all the time in which I stayed
without
like an atonement.